Young people frequently face complex social and personal concerns requiring decisions and choices or adjustments and acceptance. Following are some of those issues.

Feelings of grief, loss, and mourning may accompany an adolescent's attempts to separate from parents during the maturation process. These feelings are greatly intensified by the loss of a friend, the breakup of a close relationship, and changes, such as moving or shift in family relationships.

Phases of Grief

shock - disbelief, confusion, helplessness, preoccupation with thoughts about the lost relationship or change

awareness of loss - volatile feelings, anger, guilt, frustration, shame, sadness

conservation/withdrawal - despair, hopelessness, enforced emotional rest, withdrawal, introspection, facing the loss, realization, resolution, acceptance

healing - searching for meaning in the loss, forgiving, letting go, looking toward the future

renewal - realization that life will not be the same again, that one has changed and must continue to change, development of emotional stability

Tasks of the Mourner

• to experience and reflect on his/her feelings toward the person/situation/object both before and after the loss
• to review the history of his/her attachment to and relationship with the lost person/object/situation
• to examine his/her wounds, manage their healing, and face the task of continuing without the lost person/object/situation

How to Help

• allow the person to express his/her feelings
• understand, tolerate, be patient with steps of the grieving process
• identify own feelings of grief and loss which accompany separation
• allow person to make independent decisions, experience responsibility, and learn that he/she is capable of operating successfully as an adult

Sources of Help

• member of clergy
• counselor/family counselor
• social service agency
• Spokane Mental Health 838-4651

Anger

Anger is a powerful, normal, often poorly-handled emotion which provides a signal for us that something needs to change or to be made better for us.

 

Causes of Anger

• fear
• hurt
• frustration
• disappointment
• annoyance
• nagging/harassment
• threat
• another person's anger
• a need to challenge
• a need to be in control
• a need to be heard

 

Positive Aspects of Anger

• angry person is taking a stand for what he/she believes
• angry person respects the other person enough to let that person know how he/she feels
• managed properly, anger can be used to:
  • reach goals
  • overcome obstacles
  • handle emergencies
  • recognize and solve problems

 

Managing Our Anger

• recognize and identify the feeling
• calm ourselves down to give ourselves time to think
• identify the real problem
• brainstorm possible solutions
• evaluate each solution
  • is it safe?
  • is it fair?
  • how would other people feel about it?
  • will it work?
  • can I do it?
• choose the best solution
• try the solution
• evaluate the solution
• if it isn't working, be flexible, choose another solution
•  

Conflicts

Conflicts are problems that occur between two or more people.

Causes of Conflict

• at least one other person
• different points of view about the issue or problem
• strong feelings about the issue or problem

Positive Aspects of Conflict

• learning more about the other person's point of view and feelings
• learning more about our own points of view and feelings

Resolving Conflict

• calm ourselves down to give ourselves time to think
• agree with the other person to:
  • take turns talking and listening
  • treat one-another with respect
  • work at solving the problem
• say what we think happened and listen to the other person when he/she says what he/she thinks happened
• sure out what each of us really wants
• together, brainstorm solutions
• together, evaluate each solution
  • is it safe?
  • is it fair?
  • how would other people feel about it?
  • will it work?
  • can I do it?
• together, choose a solution that seems best for both of us
• try the solution
• evaluate the solution by asking, "Is it working?"
• choose another solution if the one we chose isn't working

 

Sexual Activity

Sexual activity is a decision&endash;a choice&endash;that each adolescent must make. Adolescents are able to control their sexual behaviors just as they are able to control any other behavior.

 

Reasons for Becoming Sexually Active

• pleasure
• expression of love
• experimentation
• rebellion
• peer acceptance
• control of a relationship

How to Help

• discuss the issue of sexual activity and include own values about sexuality / sexual activity, possible outcomes, and responsibilities
• discuss openly&endash;speak and listen with respect and understanding
• express trust and confidence in the person's good judgement
• be available when the person wants to talk about sex, love, intimacy

Sources of Help

• member of clergy
• school counselor
• family counselor
• private health care provider
• reading materials recommended by school/family counselors, clergy, health care provider, local library
• Social service agency
• Spokane County Health District
• Adolescent Health .......................................... (509)-324-1528
• Planned Parenthood ...................................... (509)-326-2141