- Perfectionism
- Perfectionism is defined as "a tendency to set rigid high
standards of performance for oneself," (Stedman's Medical
Dictionary, 25th Edition).
-
- Possible Underlying Causes of Perfectionism
- family expectations of perfection: high value placed on
performance
- parental preoccupation with own work
- use by authority figures of ridicule to motivate
- identification of unrealistic "superheroes"
- high IQ or gifted aptitude
- advertising that demands improvement/elimination of "flaws"
such as weight, appearance
- continuous good and/or bad social judgments, performance evaluations
- impression that people must perform well or not at
all
- fearful traumatic experience, especially at early
age
- need to control environment to control personal
fear
- pressures imposed by competition, e.g., in sports, grades, for acceptance by post-high school institutions
- necessity to be perfect/best student
- necessity to be best in all areas
- message that only "number one" counts, e.g., one player is
"top"in team sports
- message to win/succeed at any cost; only winning
counts
- sense of needing to be "superhuman"
- feelings of unworthiness
- Signs and Symptoms of Perfectionism
- label of "perfectionist" by others
- constant irritation when others don't meet own
standards
- preoccupation with own mistakes
- "all or nothing" attitude
- need for constant occupation: inability to relax
- indecision
- procrastination
- search for approval from others
- devastation with criticism
- inability to concentrate
- over-commitment of time and energy
- avoidance of tasks at which failure is possible
- constant apologies
- performance-based sense of self-worth
- loss of sense of self-worth in face of
imperfection
- continual dissatisfaction with performance
- need to be best
- inappropriate, rigid moral judgments
- identification of only one "right" way: use of
"right&endash;wrong", "good&endash;bad",
"should&endash;shouldn't"
- spiritual uneasiness, overly scrupulous
- need to always "look good"
- physical symptoms when starting new project: nausea,
vomiting, diarrhea, cold sweat, increased heart rate
- rigid ritualistic behavior
- feelings of shame when not "perfect"
-
- Possible Results of Perfectionism
- headaches
- sleep disturbances
- stomach problems
- back pain
- eating disorders
- chest tightness/pain
- indecision, uncertainty
- avoidance of close relationships
- suicide, attempted suicide
- feelings of being alone, isolated, unloved
- impeded communication
- fear of people in authority
- inability to avoid abuse from people in authority
- diminished creativity/spontaneity
- loss of trust
- loss of identity
- sense of shame
- over compliance
- rebellion
- invisibility
- over-assumption of responsibility
- Ways of Changing Perfectionism
- identify behaviors
- name and share experiences
- choose changes
- assess relationships for acceptance of
imperfections
- avoid discipline based on shame
- validate self-worth and worth of others based on identity
(who we are) and not performance (what we do)
- use affirmation and praise to build self-esteem
- establish boundaries
- express feelings
- allow repressed feelings to surface
- resolve suppressed pain
- develop new ways of dealing with emotions
- learn to use humor
-
- Hints for Perfectionists
- if you are depressed, tell someone you trust
- when doing a paper, put down simple sentences to start and
revise later
- break projects into parts
- start projects early so you can tell how long they will
take without last minute rushing
- no person is perfect, so learn to realistically strive for
your best
- learn to laugh and use humor
- develop spiritually
- reward yourself when you have accomplished a goal
- take time for personal relationships just to have
fun
- learn how to say "no," without feeling guilty
- plan a direction but be open to alternate paths&endash;be
flexible
- work on learning to wait and to accept changes
- learn to accept praise from others; offer praise to others
and to yourself
- develop and keep areas that give you peace
- use positive self-talk
- if you no longer enjoy what you do, give yourself
permission to evaluate your life and make changes
- How to Help
- talk about own feelings and concerns without lecturing,
nagging, criticizing
- listen with respect and understanding
- recognize and tell the person that he/she is valuable apart
from his/her accomplishments
- recognize and reflect the person's strengths whenever
possible
- offer understanding, patience, affection,
encouragement
- seek professional help
- Sources of Help
- private health care provider
- member of clergy
- school counselor
- social service agency
- Spokane Mental Health ........... (509)-838-4651
- Reading Materials
- Life is Goodbye, Life is Hello, Dr. Alla Rene
Bozarth
- Perfectionism: What's Bad About Being Too Good, Miriam
Adderholdt-Elliot
- The Hurried Child, David Elkind
- Overcoming Procrastination, Dr. Albert Ellis & Dr.
William J. Knaus
- When Living Hurts, Sol Gordon
- Bringing Up Parents, Alex Packer, Ph.D.
- Overcoming Perfectionism, Ann Smith
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